Hello My Name Is Emily and I’m A Spiritual Addict
I have been this way for nearly a year but lately it’s worsened. I’m addicted to ‘spiritualism’ and I’m requiring daily/ hourly fixes of tarot, horoscopes, trance, readings, dowsing to get through the day. I’m saying positive affirmations daily, I’m manifesting constantly, I police all my thoughts and make sure I only think & say positive things, Im meditating daily & I’m following the advice of the spirit entities who channel through me daily. I read and post numerous positive thought quotes daily on Facebook but it’s not working, I’m not feeling any happier. In fact I’m feeling so low some days I don’t want to get out of bed, I cry all the time & I’m not eating properly.
It’s costing me a fortune.Can you please help me?
That’s what my email should have read had I seen my situation objectively which of course at the time, I didn’t. I wrote to Steve as a result of spotting an article posted by one of the many sites on Facebook I was a fan of.
It was an excerpt of one of his blogs and it struck a chord as it reminded me of a current personal situation unfolding in my life. I wanted him to be the next person to tell me that ‘everything will be ok’ But of course he didn’t tell me that.
In fact, he was one of the first to NOT say that. I didn’t like it.. I didn’t like it at all.
But my email to him and subsequent conversation via Skype was to be one of the turning points in my healing.
Prior to emailing Steve I’d had two readings with tarot readers in three weeks desperate for answers in all aspects of my life amongst using many other daily props used in my crazed obsessive life..
This is an example of a day in my life as a spiritual junkie..
I say that without any flippancy, make no mistake, this is a very real addiction. I may not have been physically injecting myself with a substance, but I was crazed, searching for my next ‘high’ every day and miserable and desperately low once the quick fix reading or horoscope wore off. It’s as strong as any drug and just as dangerous because it’s out there, free for the taking and available in huge quantities.
My day would normally begin at midnight.. I’d wait up until 00.00 appeared on my phone clock so I could read my three horoscope apps for the coming day. Yes, three versions, each with three components. General horoscope, Career and Love.
So 9 predictions read, Id decide if a quick dowsing session would affirm my horoscope. Out would come my dowsing crystal kept by my bed.
Id fall asleep about 12.30.
Up again at 6 with the familiar lurching of my stomach and constant silent conversations in my head about ‘he said this’ and ‘she said that so this is going to happen..’ I wasted hours doing this.. Literally hours having pointless conversations in my head that drove me crazy and then I’d panic because the Law of Attraction told me that I will bring into my existence that which I give my attention too. So I’d punish myself because I must have caused this unhappiness through not thinking happy thoughts.
I’d drop my kids to school and listen to one of my 12 or so recordings of readings Id had over the last two years on the way home on my phone.
Some days Id climb straight back into bed and listen to another reading or repeat portions of certain readings over and over again because they said the bits I wanted to hear. Id check into Facebook and read many positive quotes from the multiple sites I was a member off. Id share a few.. I was known for that.
There, I feel a bit happier because if I just filled my mind with happy thoughts, I just knew I’d be happy. But I wasn’t any happier. I was on a perpetual wheel, it never stopped.
I’d reluctantly get back up and go to work. I’d park up & start my 15 min walk to work and listen to a reading again, the same one or different, but I’d get my fix of ‘ everything working out’ for a few hours.
With my work finished, I might listen to the reading again on the way back to the car, I’d certainly be having more conversations with myself and mock conversations in my mind with others whom I thought my happiness depended on.
Kids collected, I’d start cooking tea with one headphone on, listening to video after video on manifestation, positive thinking, cosmic ordering, and of course my readings.
After the kids were in bed, I would sit and meditate, Id get a bliss fix, and it felt wonderful. I felt high and floaty and then I’d call in the spirits who worked with me in trance and I’d ask them questions about my life, work , love , home.. You name it – I would beg for help, in tears at times and they would advise me to wait, or take certain actions and it briefly quietened my erratic, crazed mind.
I did this every day. Every single day for nearly 12 months. I couldn’t make a life decision without the advice of dead people.
I’d feel jumpy if I didn’t sit and meditate.. I was addicted to the buzz it gave me.
The ungrounded high would last about twenty minutes and then I’d come down and feel teary and miserable again. The dowsing crystal would come back out and maybe a spread of cards from my 7 decks of oracle cards.
I’d get into bed and wait til midnight to do it all again.
And whilst I waited, I’d be listening to a reading or spreading oracle cards until they gave me the answers I wanted.
In between these days I attended multiple courses on spiritual development.
In two years I spent several thousand dollars on spiritual courses & books, pushing the boundaries and searching for answers to the point of it all.
I tried over a dozen modalities of healing including EFT, Reiki, crystal healing, Ancestral Healing, spiritual healing, chanting, sound healing, meditation, Trance as well as many more obscure and psychological healing modalities. Whilst some appeared to work temporarily, they only peeled layers away and I was still unhappy.
I was miserable, I mean really miserable, living a double life as a happy go lucky always positive mum on the outside and a crumbling, chocolate addicted woman who cried herself dry most days. I would seek constant reassurance from my mediumistic friends of my life path. At my lowest point, I had 5 readings in 6 weeks. I was seeking increasingly obscure fixes, and it was a very unhealthy and unbalanced existence.
That first week in November 2013 was my lowest point. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. And that scared the shit out of me.
And then within two days of that, I came across Steve Gunn and his work.
My first conversation with him turned my world upside down, literally.
He made me look at things objectively for the first time, ever.
I resisted it for four days. My belief system had been imploded by one conversation and I briefly hated him for it. I mean I’d followed these beliefs for 10 years, how could I be wrong? I’d ‘ successfully’ manifested many things in my life.
I’d had many readings. I was respected for my own mediumistic abilities and I was a Trance Medium for goodness sakes! Of course this was all real and I was right!
I didn’t know who I was or what I believed in anymore.
But the reality started to sink in on Day two and by Day three I was ready to surrender.
I was an addict and a miserable one at that. Everything I thought was helping was actually esasperating my addiction. I had continued to ask many questions via email to Steve over those four days and he continued to answer me objectively but with compassion.
He’s seen and helped many people like me before.
I said I was ready to heal myself properly. I decided to undertake one of Steve’s courses.
I had years of buried pain bottled up and I undertook the 7 week foundation course. It’s not a course. It’s a way of life.
From that day, I deleted my readings, I deleted my horoscopes. I ‘unliked’ the thirty plus sites on Facebook that fed me a daily dose of spiritual fodder.
I put away my crystal and packed away my oracles. I stopped meditating and I stopped my trance.
I genuinely had no desire to use any of it anymore. I’d had a spiritual unawakening.
It was one of the toughest things I’ve personally undertaken but it set me free and I now have the tools to help me flow through all the situations life presents.
This work is tangible, you feel the difference. There is no need for any external props. No one heals you, you heal yourself. I have let go of years of old buried emotional junk and finally I have peace.
I no longer chase perpetual happiness. I no longer wear my rose tinted glasses. I don’t get overexcited about anything. But neither do I remain upset by things.
I am no longer driven by status or material objects. I no longer use dead people to make my life decisions. I no longer need to manifest anything. I no longer try to control people or events around me.
I’m certain that there are other people out there, just like me, searching, desperately addicted & ashamed of their behaviour and probably unaware of the extent of their addiction, just as I was.
If you are ready to surrender and truly heal yourself, to live a life in balance and flow, then contact Steve.
Maybe my story will help someone else, just like me, who was caught chasing the spiritual rainbow..