After a couple of heavy events (burn-out, break up of a long term relationship, my father passed and a lot more) I was a bit recovered and was open for a relationship again. I was longing to meet finally a good, normal guy, someone who I can spend the rest of my life with. It felt like I could be finally rewarded by the universe, after all these ‘bad’ things. Then I met him. It was a shocking, extremely love at first sight. I was sure we had met before, I knew him, but I couldn’t remember it. The first time in his house I intuitively felt that his life was not stable, that there was a lot of stuff going on, but I ignored it, I couldn’t face it, I was so in love that i accepted everything, just to be with him. I couldn’t think about anything else, it was like a continue state of being high and I needed my drugs continuously.
I realized that I had dreamed about him before I had met him, he was in my garden and knocked on the window. So, this was him and we had an incredible intense period. I had a lot of symbolic dreams that pointed me to what was coming. Only afterwards I could interpret them. The intense happy period dured only for a few months, because then he said he wanted to pull back, because he was overworked and needed some rest. I was playing the understanding good girl and left him alone, but I was devestated. I cried and cried and I realized that this wasn’t normal, it was something that hadn’t anything to do with this guy. I started to read, calling mediums etc. And then I came in the world of twin flames. I had never heard of that before. But it didn’t feel right, just waiting and accept his running. I could not stand this.After a few months with a few contact with him I couldn’t hardly work anymore, he was in my mind for every second, the extreme desire was a kind of zooming, so strong I couldn’t hardly do anything, only crying and searching for information to understand it. I was waiting and hoping that it would calm down, but it only got stronger. I was ready for a mental hospital. Thank god I stumbled on Steve’s website.
I had a consultation with Steve and everything fell in place. I wasn’t crazy. There were clear lessons to learn. But there was a lot of work to do. But at least I could do something! So I started PN and it was a real eye opener. I worked very hard, but every time I thought I surrendered the ego had tricked me. And it came back. So I did it 3 times. The first time it was a bit like if I would work trough all this stuff, I have a change to be with him (the ping-pong continued), the second time was to deal with all the new psychic stuff and the last time was that I still wanted the relationship and I really was eager to feel at least normal again, to have my life back. It wasn’t the purpose, It was going trough the rabbit hole and changing in a totally different being. It started when I made the final boundary. No contact anymore if he is not prepared to stop with this ping-pong and his fear of commitment in any kind. Then I really started to heal, from looking every second on my mobile phone and still crying and hoping and desire to start just living and being a new being, just by giving up every control.
Just a few changes: I was a very insecure person, looking for validation externally. That is totally changed. If you don’t like me, it is totally fine. Finally strong boundaries. No fear. No stress. No rescue syndrome anymore. No helping, no reassurance. No loneliness anymore when I am alone (and I am alone a lot). No need for a relationship anymore. No reading of spiritual stuff anymore (I have read almost every spiritual book that exist). I can not drink alcohol, eat meat or eat unhealthy food anymore without getting sick, so I eat mostly vegetables and fruit and I lost 12 pounds. I now can turn in other peoples energy from a distance and feel their feelings. No jealousy anymore, no annoyance. Totally no PMS anymore! No flues, no colths, no recovery days. Very deep feelings, including very intense happiness. I worked trough all the left overs from the past and there was a lot. It came all up to the surface and I had to go trough it, there was no way around it. It was extremely heavy, but for now it is quite a release and I look 10 years younger. But the weight loss and the looking younger don’t bother me really, because my appearance is not important anymore. I lost a few friends, because they can not deal with the new stronger me, and almost every connection with friends and family is changed. I love my work now. All the emotions where I could hang in for days are now flowing and changing and every feeling is welcome. And thank god not that overwhelming desire anymore.
So it is not a kind of hallelujah happy all the time, it is just accepting all that there is, the raw truth, no controlling activities to make your life better, to reach some goals etc. The ego is still making some stories and sometimes I tend to listen to that but I recognize it faster every time. So, the big salvation guy, my super soulmate that came to make me happy for the rest of my life did indeed do that, but he learned me how to do that myself. By finding him, I found myself, I learned to make myself happy, whole, complete, he learned me to be powerful. And yes, I still would like to see him, I still am crazy about him, I really would love to talk with him and I still feel a very strong, even thelepathic connection with him, but now I know it is not the ultimate reward/ salvation/ whatever. Struggle, challenges and rewards will always be there and that is life. There is no ‘there’, it is just facing the struggle and the challenges and totally accept these.
So face the real truth, accept especially all those things you don’t want to accept and then you are not waiting anymore for the call of your soulmate, because it wouldn’t change your life. It would be great, but that is just temporary. Find your peace within, that is forever. And Steve is the best teacher for that. If you are prepared to face everything you will meet, prepared to do whatever Steve will say and you will hate him, be afraid of him, not believe him, think he is crazy, think that whole soul-connection stuff is nonsense, and a lot more, but that is ego trying to trick you, and even my ego want to prove him that I was doing well, when I was miserable, just to be a perfect pupil. Just listen to that little voice down under all the screaming, saying that he is right here to help you. If you are prepared to do this and face everything, then you can be in peace again. Just realize: you have to go trough that door and you can avoid it for a long time, trying to look for a shortcut, but the universe will push you trough the mud, if you want it or not, so you’d better have an expert on the background to guide you trough.