I sat down to write a bit of a testimonial about my experiences of applying the PN course disciplines to my life, and as I did so, I realized that I now think of my life in terms of “before PN” and “after PN”, so powerful has been its impact on my well-being.
I am not being overly dramatic when I say that PN has helped me to stay alive, and it is the truth that I would have preferred death to the relentless pain, confusion and turmoil that I suffered over a period of four years before I commenced the course.
I may never understand fully what triggered my emotional and energetic collapse, but I understand the consequences of it very well. I found myself to be weakened, exhausted and powerless due to unremitting feelings of sorrow and grief and an impotent rage, which made me ill in my mind, body and spirit. I became too ill to work, too ill to socialise and to ill to self-care in even the most basic ways. My finances hit rock bottom, I almost became homeless and my relationships with friends and family members were strained to breaking point.
My doctor advised me to stop working when I couldn’t sleep at all, my nose kept bleeding, my blood pressure went up and would not come back down. I cried all the time, and could not bear anybody to be near me. I could not deal with the sound of voices, or bear to be physically close to anyone. I remember wincing with pain inside when people came into the same room that I was occupying.
I went down with shingles, then chicken pox, then shingles again. I was anaemic, dehydrated and came out in black bruises at the slightest touch. When my blood pressure finally came down it was low, and I developed postural hypo-tension which meant I would suddenly faint without warning.
As for my mental state, I was too anxious to leave the house, sometimes too anxious to leave my bedroom. I would lie awake, my heart racing and thumping into my chest, the room spinning, a feeling of utter panic gripping me. It felt like I was spinning endlessly and falling in empty space, nothing to support me, nothing to hold onto. Minutes felt like hours and I was really frightened. My mind would whir on a loop of fear and self criticism.
Worst of all was the pain. Wave after wave of crippling grief would hit me, leaving me unable to concentrate on anything else. I just could not understand what was happening to me, why I couldn’t just shake it off and go back to being me. I started to look for answers, and I looked everywhere. I tried talking therapy, reiki, hypnotherapy, EMT, binaural beats, tarot readings and vortex healing. I tried visualization, affirmations, meditation, yoga, tai chi, changes to my diet, crystal healing, colour healing and regimes of physical exercise. In fact, I spent money on these things when I didn’t have enough money for food and fuel, I was so desperate.
Everything I tried had some benefit, and granted me some relief from the pain, so I had some new hope that I could overcome my illness. However, none of the methods offered me any lasting relief, and some nights nothing seemed to work. As time went on, I did improve, I did get back to working and I did recover some physical strength. Notwithstanding this, I could only manage employment that was way below my qualifications and experience, and I had lost my confidence or any ability to stick up for myself. I was pretty powerless.
I first learned of PN when I came across some articles by Steve Gunn, and read everything he had put online in one night. There was a sort of soundness about his articles that resonated with me, and I wanted to do the PN course. I had no money to do so, and so I shelved the plan. Around three months ago, I contacted Steve and began the course, and I have felt more balanced in that short space of time than I have done in years. Practising PN has allowed me to regain my own energy and to heal from that awful pain. It wells up from time to time, but now I know how to deal with it.
The incredible thing about the discipline is how easy it is to release these emotions that were making me ill. They have no power over me, as long as I practice releasing them in the way that PN has taught me. I can interact with others in a more balanced way, and my physical energy is returning in a way that I hadn’t thought was possible. I am more well every day that passes, and I am so grateful for the course I don’t know how to put that into words. I am completely confident now that whatever new challenges I may have to face in the next part of my life, I have a solid basis for self-healing and energetic balancing, that has not once failed to work for me, and I will practise PN for the rest of my life.
Thank you PN, thank you Steve.k