Case study, PN
Very few people have taught me things that have changed my life irrevocably. I remember them all.
But I’m here to talk about the methods, teachings and disciplines of one – Steve Gunn.
PN – and the self-healing energy techniques it offers – has had a profound effect on my existence, leading to an overall sense of peace and contentment that I could only have dreamt of a year ago.
What’s more it’s a happiness that comes from acceptance, which requires no external stimulus (jobs, people, windfalls, money). It’s a simple state of being and flow which is hard to define but incredible to experience.
Like many of the people in these case studies, I experienced a painful and baffling soul connection which left me reeling for years. Happily married and in a successful and enjoyable career, my life felt like a meteorite had hit it when I grappled extreme bereavement (three losses within 3 months) combined with the effects of a roller coaster relationship I could make no sense of. Add to this a side-dish of guilt and confusion, I sometimes wonder how I continued.
The pain, anxiety and depression was so acute I often drank to numb it and I became determined to create an impression for the rest of the world, one where I was viewed as ‘normal’ and ‘well adjusted’.
This only added to the inner sense of turmoil and pain as the brutal gap between the impression and the reality widened. Plus I pined in ways I’d never experienced for someone who repeatedly and consistently let me down. Again and again we would go through the same cycles, which were no doubt as distressing for him as me.
There were times when I felt I could not live without this person – despite all logic indicating how deeply unhealthy and destructive it was. I tried therapy and hypno-therapy and both would only offer temporary relief.
I became needy and obsessive – flying into childish rages but never setting real boundaries.
Eventually he ran altogether, and the pain got worse.
At this point I discovered a form of relief which later became an addiction – tarot cards and fortune tellers. Most of whom promised of his return (as well as the next big job that was just around the corner – ahem!). I also started doing my own tarot cards online which offered little relief and fed the anxiety. I became obsessed about the future. I needed to know what would happen and when. I spent a fortune. None of them were right.
The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result – I felt like I was going mad. And I probably was.
Finding Steve’s website was the first stage. There was an explanation and it didn’t involve me having to believe nonsense such as this person being the ‘other half of my soul’ and other damaging pop spirituality theories floating around for the vulnerable to cling onto.
I didn’t read his book but the case study stories had an incredible effect on me. It was people’s heartbreaking stories about so many issues – addition, abuse, bereavement and destructive relationships and soul connections such as mine. Their personal journeys to peace and happiness inspired me to make the call and start the PN course.
I failed the first time. I failed the second. I can’t tell you what changed during the third time but Steve tells me I ‘surrendered’.
Then began the journey and four months later I feel like a different person. I manage my energy and have an awesome respect for the power of the universe. I have come into my own power and have started dealing with people and situations properly – not acting out of ego and fear. I have a re-invigorated love of my job and my marriage is stronger than ever. I revel in the love I feel for my friends and family and feel blessed in many ways.
Yep there are still challenges and tests – but I’m approaching things differently. It’s not a constant state of happiness but more an ability to deal with the full spectrum of emotions.
I never heard again from my soul connection and I’m comfortable with that. I love the person and always will, but I don’t like them or how they behaved.
I’ve finally managed to let go of any expectation of a relationship but sit with love and occasional sadness. Sometimes a bit of pining does occur but it’s always a sign that I need to follow the disciplines and come back to flow and wholeness.
I feel glad for the tremendous experience that led me to Steve, PN and most of all a state of being that’s brought me closer to the universe.
If everyone did this, the world would be a different place. My one piece of advice would be keep going until you surrender, no one can tell you when that will be. But it’s so worth it when you do.